Badger That ...

Doorstep beauty...

2008-01-30T15:54:00.001Z

I still fail to be amazed at the beautiful surrounds that I am lucky enough to live in... I took these pictures today when Stray and I took Ruby for a walk around the village.

A new cub in the Badger family set ...

2008-01-16T20:54:00.000Z

I have been rather quiet of late, which I blame on large amounts of work and large amounts of darkness which renders my life somewhat dull. Being that my most enjoyed experiences, or at least those I wish to tell you about happen outside in the summer sun.

However it was with much pleasure that I became a very proud Auntie Badger at the start of year to a young man called Samuel Dylan. Check him out in his cute polar bear suit when he was just 4 days old.

I now live about 300 miles away from him after I relocated up north but I did potter down south to meet him when he was fresh out the womb and what a cutie he is.

What I find most amusing is that he appears to have been named after his Grandfathers 2 pets... A black Lab called Sam and an old Ginger Tom called Dylan. Coincidence? Who knows!

The Country way...

2007-12-15T11:43:00.000Z

It is very cold here, but I am pleased to have a house with heating this winter. It is nice to be out in the ice crunching about knowing that you can go home to a warm fire. In the tree house in Guildford we would go out because often it was infact warmer outside than in the shack itself.

I have been invited to a Cow auction. How very exciting. I am slightly worried that taking someone with my twitching capabilities could end up in me taking home a lot of cows. So I have not confirmed whether I will be attending yet.

I also have a new car, maybe I could fit one or two (small) cows in it. The poor Mini who I loved dearly had to go due to my new poorer way of life that I have chosen. In its place I have a proper country car. A lovely Landrover - no water, snow or ice will hold me back now. Open fields.... here I come.

Communication is back!

2007-11-20T16:23:00.000Z

We are back on the web thanks to this little (or should I say large) bit of kit! Normal service will be resumed,... as soon as work permits!

Climb a hill...

2007-11-16T12:32:00.000Z

Yesterday morning Stray and I climbed the hill opposite the house. It meant I could take a nice pic of the village and point out the Badgers new set. Still no broadband,... but having given up on BT, satellite is coming on Tuesday so we will be back soon!

Deep in the Dales...

2007-11-09T12:57:00.000Z

5 days I have been here, and so far I love it. It is so beautiful. More beautiful than I ever imagined. Just watching the cows and the views takes away any stress I may feel. The house is lovely, and warm, which is a first in 18 months as the shack in Guildford with its zero heating was freezing. Stray has been drilling and banging, putting up poles for clothes and building shelves. Oh and we have boarded out the floor in the loft. I have met a few of the locals who have already taken to calling me Badger. They seem really nice and they also seem to like me so that is good. I have been asking about how I can get involved in the "country way" and will be meeting the guys from the shoot on saturday to see if I can get involved and do some beating.

Frank is very happy and relaxed, he is very keen to get out and explore as am I but we are waiting one more day before he sets off into the dales alone. Below are some pictures along the journey from the village to Settle along a wonderful road which goes from Littondale over to the next dale which is where I am able to gain internet access in a nice tea shop.

We are still waiting on BT to get us broadband, but they have promised us Monday, much to the rest of the villagers amazement. So I shan't hold my breath, but fingers crossed all the same else its back to the drawing board.

Our House

Autumn Deer...

2007-10-28T12:45:00.001Z

This morning I went down to Petworth Park to photograph the Deer. It was a drizzly wet day, but I felt this added to the atmosphere.

The wonder of the WOW tic...

2007-10-24T21:00:00.000+01:00

I have a tic.... it goes "WOW!"... it is annoying.

Yesterday, whilst at a cash machine,... alone... or so I thought. I popped my card in and then out of the blue came the "wow!" from my lips.

Thinking nothing of it I carried on, when I heard a small voice behind me say .. "That good huh?"...

Oh dear.... for a moment I was confused, and then it clicked... he thought I was saying "wow!" to my bank balance. If only that were the truth! I just smiled politely and said "Oh no no, I just ,... ummmm, yes".

In the name of Jaffa Cakes...

2007-10-19T16:24:00.000+01:00

I am just back from a Jaffa Cake run to Waitrose, Sunningdale. This store, in this specific location sums up everything I hate about "Royal" Berkshire and Surrey.

I parked my little Mini neatly in its spot when a crazed women in her over sized Mercedes came flying in sideways, and promptly stops and parks taking up 3 spaces. I gave her one of my Badger stares and she struts out, looks at me and says "Marrd Dawgs and Englishman we must be coming here on a Friday afternoon"... Indeed I thought, I wanted to point out that I was there on business NOT afternoon pleasure as she clearly was. After carefully making my way through the barrage of Chelsea Tractors storming into the carpark at me I entered the store where everything got even more upsetting.

There were mad posh women everywhere I looked, mostly out of control with trolleys. They all had far to much makeup on and stunk of overpriced perfume. I started to panic and put my head down and headed straight for the Jaffa Cake aisle. Upon clutching my tube I headed to the nearest checkout, all were about 2 miles deep with more of the mad women. Not a man could be seen anywhere. I felt so out of place, and call me paranoid but the mad women were staring at me like they thought I had bunked off school and I must be a very bad child, rather than the 27 year old women that I am.

I got in line quietly willing it to move forward when I got rammed from behind by an out of control trolley. I felt like the small child in the Roald Dahl film The Witches. After ramming me she pushed past me like I did not exist, so I proclaimed "Sorry, I am just buying these"....(why was I apologising!!, anything for a quiet life me)... "oh can you put them on the belt then please" was the reply. I did not want to put them on the darn belt, I wanted to hold them so I ignored the demanding women and got a tut. I counted out my money in advance, £1.11 for a packet of Jaffa Cakes so I could be prepared to exit as quickly as possible. I could feel my twitches coming on and knew this would not be well received in such a clearly upper middle class store so I had to get out of there quick smart. All I needed was for my "WOW!" tic to come out and I really would be stared at.

Finally my moment came and I have never been so pleased to be out of a supermarket but I think the Jaffa Cakes were well appreciated back at the office. But gosh what an ordeal. I hope that in Yorkshire the Waitroses are full of farmer types and not such posh smelly mothers.

Capture every moment...

2007-10-14T19:08:00.000+01:00

Cows in the mist by the River Wey, Surrey

Heading North ....

2007-10-02T19:17:00.000+01:00

I have never before lived outside of Surrey... I am not proud of this fact.

It is just the way it has been. Change has always scared me. But now for the first time I am going to try living somewhere else, somewhere new, somewhere beautiful.

On the 5th November I will be heading to the Yorkshire Dales with Stray to start a new chapter. I don't know what it will bring, I also don't know what to expect. But then if I don't expect anything, I won't be disappointed.., right?

I love the countryside, I love the thought of living in a small community. A new community, where no one knows me and I do not know them. New friendships to gain, and new bonds to make.

I am excited, but I am not scared, because I will be with Stray... the world is not so scary when Stray is in it with me.

We have a wonderful house to live in, a converted barn. I hope Frank will be happy there. I think cats need new adventures to keep them alive. I think I do too!

Harvest Moon

2007-09-25T23:59:00.001+01:00

Water Skiing Westies!

2007-09-20T16:38:00.001+01:00

Images from a press release I was sent today. What fun!
These are pics from a 2008 calendar. One of which the lovely PR man is sending me.

I am very lucky....

I left my soul on a ride at Thorpe Park ...

2007-09-19T20:24:00.000+01:00

Today I went to Thorpe Park.. and I went on a new ride. Wowzers it was fast. It went from 0-80mph in just 1.9 secs. The only way I can describe the feeling was that I had left my own soul behind as my body went flying off all on its own. I felt empty, alone, and then just as I was about to panic my soul seemed to come back. The vertical climb and drop was simply something of a relief after re gaining my soul.

Funny because when you stand looking at the ride all you can see is that huge vertical drop, but its the acceleration that is astonishing. How do rocket drivers (is that what you call them?) make important decisions whilst traveling at such speed? Obviously they are soulless. I knew it.

Blogging the Bog...

2007-09-18T14:27:00.000+01:00

This is a picture of our 'shared' office toilets, and I have some issues with them (unsurprisingly!).
I think the picture says it all but there are also no locks anywhere, and you feel like you are in a barn..

Infact, now I come to think of it, you are in a barn.

There are 2 toilets, yet quite frankly I would not want to share my toilet time in such an "open" area. We have learnt the best way to do the mercy dash to the toilet, first we alert other office members to where we are going to be sure we do not have company, we then cross the yard checking for any other same sex members with the same idea. If the case is clear you're in and out as quick as you can. The western style barn doors are at just the right (or maybe wrong) height that if you enter the room you can not see if someone is behind them until you are on top of them.

We are yet to work out which is more shameful - being walked in on whilst on the toilet, or encroaching onto someone else's toilet time. I do not know, but what I do know is that so far I have been lucky where others have not.

My colleague walked in on someone who had just finished up and all she could see was her head bobbing around above the door. Slightly embarrassed and upon making eye contact she asked if the lady was a cleaner and apologised for disturbing her. The women replied "No, I am not the cleaner, I have just been sat on the toilet!".

Office Mother Hen...

2007-09-13T12:17:00.000+01:00

Do all offices have an "Office Mother Hen"?

We have one and she is magical. She can also be some what of an irritant. But we do love her dearly and would not be without her.

She has so many wonderful catchphrases that we introduced a game called "Mother Hen Bingo" last summer. As our Mother Hen is part time we have the morning to come up with which catchphrases she will use throughout the day.

They generally go something like this:-

"Good morning, good morning, good morning, how are we all this merry merry morn?!"
"Its like the Mary Celeste in here!"
"Cant get the staff"
"She will be shot at dawn"
"Good ere, ain't it"
"I'm alright, it's the others"
"Food glorious food"
"I'm getting in a mucking fuddle"

The rules were simple, we all wrote down up to 3 phrases and ticked them off as they came up throughout the day. Who ever got all theirs ticked off first was the winner!

Mother Hen is also nutty about Dogs, which could explain a lot about her. If you are not familiar with the madness of the true dog nutter please click here.

Yesterday Mother Hen came into the office after being at 'yet another' dog show over the weekend and proclaimed, "Saw a black Russian at the weekend, never seen one before..."
I could not believe my ears! Mother hen is not known to be very PC at the best of times, but what on earth was she talking about!

She continued "... Huge it was, did not realise they were so big".
At this point I asked her "What do you mean? You can't say things like that...." She looked at me somewhat confused and went on "... Looked like a Schanuzer it did."
A Schnauzer!! Suddenly it all clicked, a Black Russian was a breed of Dog. Goodness me.

Today I moved the laser printer into a better position as it was taking up residence on my desk and was getting in my way. I have moved it into the centre of the room, near to Mother Hen... Today she proclaimed "This printer makes a bleedin noise, can you not move it?..."

I replied "No, and I can assure you, it does not make as much noise as you, can we not move you..." there was no response.

I do love our Office Mother Hen.

Skating and climbing....

2007-09-11T00:41:00.000+01:00

My legs got well used this weekend, not only did I have a fantastic skating lesson, learning jolly hard T-stops but I also climbed up the Cathedral Tower in Guildford. Below are some pictures. I do not have any pictures of me skating yet, however my very kind mum has promised to come and take some snaps.

Magic September Skys ...

2007-09-06T19:21:00.000+01:00

Tonight while driving home from work I noticed the mysterious sky above me. As soon as I arrived home I grabbed my camera and went back out, not being one to miss an opportunity.
In Guildford is a hill known as "The Mount", and once up there you can see for miles around, I posted here last year showing London taken from up on that hill.

I only managed to get one shot of them close up as the light had already moved and changed by the time I arrived, however on returning home I had the most amazing view down my own road.
I was clicking away when a hot balloon went past. Then when I had finished and packed away my things a group of Geese flying in the V shape flew across my view. I missed it.

Bruised Badger...

2007-09-01T14:08:00.000+01:00

It would appear I have no self preservation qualities. So sympathy is maybe not deserved but all the same I feel it is required.

Plus....., Badgers legs will never again be published on the world wide web.

I cycled 45 miles to Brighton with not such much as a scratch, then on Wednesday I did not even make it out the drive without throwing myself off my bike... ouch.

It still hurts.... but it looks great! I also have a wounded elbow, but I could not bend correctly to photograph that.

Guildford - Brighton

2007-08-27T11:31:00.000+01:00

Yesterday, Russ and I got on our bikes and cycled off road to the sea side. I love being by the sea and to get there under my own steam felt even more satisfying. If not rather painful on the legs by the end of it. We went along what is known as the "Downs Link - Guildford to Shoreham/Brighton" and follows mostly that of an old railway line, which was pulled up in the sixties. It was a perfect day, the sun was shining but we had just enough shade to keep us cool under the trees on route. I bought a nice cycle computer before we left and we covered 45 miles in all. Below are some pictures I took along the way.

Badger on the beach - we made it!

SPIDER warning

2007-08-24T15:34:00.000+01:00

Today after lunch we found a little spider outside guarding our office in his web. One of my collegues in the office had been being plagued by a drowsy Wasp all afternoon and so he stunned it on the head and we set up a feast for Mr Spider our loyal guard and a photoshoot for me before my macro lens has to go back to its rightful owner. I will be so sad to see it go.

Maybe I will buy myself one when I have some spare change. A whole £600 of spare change mind you.

Macro Madness

2007-08-19T13:11:00.000+01:00

I am very lucky to live where I do, my garden is full of adventures and untold storys, I sometimes wish I was 10 years old again as this garden would be every kids dream. Yesterday I borrowed a Canon Macro Lens 1:28 from my mother. Today I have been exploring our jungle of a garden. I had so much fun and below are my first attempts at macro photography. I had to get extremely close to some spiders, all of which scare me a lot, however it was worth it.

Green fingers...

2007-08-13T19:17:00.000+01:00

Back in May I bought some seeds, and, if I am honest I did not hold out much hope of actually managing to grow the plants let alone gain any veg from them. I last posted about my early crop growth here. They have certainly come along in the past 3 months of rain, wind and odd bits of sunshine.
I almost gave up on one lot of my runner beans as the wind kept blowing them over and every time I looked there were plenty of little red flowers but not a single sighting of a bean. Until Stray pointed out that I look for things with "boy" eyes. And then to my delight with a little more looking and moving of leaves, there they were!! we have eaten two already and they are very tasty and I am therefore very proud.

Below is another little something that seems to be growing very well, it is a Ridge Cucumber plant. It is still early days for this one, but its doing well, and as you can see I have a few Cucumbers forming nicely already.

Exmoor...

2007-08-09T15:26:00.001+01:00

I don't have many words today.. just pictures. They say it all really.
Badger and Russ went to Exmoor for a couple of days and this is what we found.

Badger on ExmoorNice Cow

Cheeky Goat

Lovely Russ & our cream tea

Dung Beetle

Exmoor Ponies

Lynton from the East

Making Hay

The Mini Mobile

Pheasants

Foot and Mouth returns...

2007-08-05T10:54:00.001+01:00

Foot and Mouth Disease has broken out again in my home town Guildford... it feels far to close to home for any sort of comfort. My dear friends Russell and Luke own a small farm just 3km from where the cows tested positive. I am so worried for them, it would be so upsetting for them to have to cull all their animals. They have a lovely pig called Margo who I have grown especially fond of, and many lovely goats all full of character, not to mention the cows who have just had 2 baby's.

The boys would be devastated to loose them all. Today they tell me the official Vets are coming to take the tests, they will find out the results tomorrow so I will keeping everything firmly crossed until good news arrives.

I remember when it swept the whole country in 2001, that was a very sad year. I flew to America in the December and upon my arrival at the airport I was asked if I had been on a farm whilst in England. I was a little unsure of my reply because most of Surrey is a farm and pretty much all of the footpaths had been closed for most of the summer. I replied telling them that no I had not been directly on a farm. What would they have done if I had? I was soon to find out, because the couple next to me were asked the very same question. They were American and it all felt very dramatic, when they replied - "Oh my gosh!! we went to London Zoo only last week" .... they were quickly ushered away into another room. I wonder what happened to them.

I am supposed to be going away for a few days in Exmoor today with my friend Russell, but after all this upset and worry on the farm I am not sure if he can make it.

With floods come slugs...

2007-07-29T23:14:00.000+01:00

Well what a week its been. Our office was flooded.... again... we only went back in March after the last flood destroyed our offices in August 2006.
We were more prepared this time, we saw the water rising and saved pretty much everything, we then escaped just in time before the whole village went under water. So its been a week of relocation and hasseling BT to get us up and running in a new place down the road until we are dried out. We have all our stuff in the new place, but there is not much you can do in this day and age with no phones or internet access. So roll on Thursday when it should (fingers crossed) be ready to roll, ring, and surf.

With these floods also came some pretty huge prehistoric slugs. I can not stand the things and this evening when wandering into my bedroom I was faced with what looked like two eels about to make out on my window. Like we need any more of the poxy things eating my runner beans... which I must inform you I have given up on. If its not the slugs its the wind blowing them over every 5 minutes.

Big Cat Pics

2007-07-20T17:44:00.000+01:00

On Thursday I went to a big cat breeding sanctuary in Kent. The day was run by Canon and was especially for photographers to get the opportunity to photograph these lovely animals. I even got to stroke a Tiger.

Photo Shoots...

2007-07-18T09:50:00.000+01:00

Strays dog Ruby likes to take herself off around our garden for quite some time. It has been known for her to vanish for up to and possibly over an hour, I can call and search for her but she is often nowhere to be seen.

Stray and I joke that she goes off on photo shoots or into town for a spot of shopping.

So you can imagine how shocked I was today to receive the below advert - not only is Ruby there doing a spot of glamour modelling. (I say glamour - because she is naked, they have removed her collar, tart!)... But then I spot Frank in the advert, it would appear my ginger boy has been recruited as well*

*Obviously these animals are not actually Frank and Ruby, but my goodness they are spitting images. Maybe they really do go for shoots. Hmmmm.

The great Animal bakery...

2007-07-13T15:54:00.000+01:00

There has been some excitement at the office this week. Purely due to the fact that the local bakery bake bread in the shape of animals. It has caused joy and also some tears.

Tears because Beverley's 6 year old son loved it so much that he cried when he was so hungry he had to eat it. I liked his approach though. He removed the legs first and then ate it from the inside outward... Sadist. I wonder if he sheds the same tears when he eats a real cow as opposed to bread baked into the 'shape' of a cute animal.

We had to phone the bakery in advance to order the breads as they are in high demand.
We had a rabbit, a hedgehog, a tortoise and a teddy bear. I think they thought we were kidding when we rang with the complete wildlife selection order.

Out of the mouths of drunken fools.....

2007-07-13T13:02:00.000+01:00

It never ceases to amaze me what can fall out of a mans drunken mouth. You would think nothing would surprise me by now, having spent enough time in pubs to last a lifetime. I rarely attract attention from men, I put this down to the fact that I don't look dissimilar to a 12 year old boy, and I certainly don't 'flaunt my femininity', if that is the correct way to put it.

I think there are rules and rituals to attracting a partner and I don't understand any of them, which also means I could slip into one of these such rituals without even realising. I never realised that 'talking' was one of them. I must be more careful. How careless of me.

Last weekend it would seem I was taking part in this 'talking mating ritual' without realising the ultimate end would be the requirement of sex. Between the slurred speech I was asked to go back and stay at this mans house (the man in question being of a senior age (50+) to myself).
I could not really understand why he would imagine I would want to do such a thing. He lived quite a trek away, and I barely knew him, so I could not work out why he would think I would want to 'stay over'. When he realised this stance was not working, he came out with the most romantic line of them all. "Look, Badger* just come back to mine for a shag will you, come on" (*of course he did not call me Badger, he called me by the other name I am known... but if he had that would have gained him bonus laughter points).

Funnily enough I declined the offer, but I did ask him to repeat himself in case I had misheard, although I think I already knew I had not. What happened next, really appealed to my sense of humour. I had a little chuckle at his up fronted ness and turned him down after pointing out that he was in fact older than my father and why on earth would I want to “shag” him as he had so politely put it.

I think I may have embarrassed him as he got a little cross at my declining and continued to ask, although getting louder (maybe he thought I had not heard him) and slightly more desperate in his plea to win me round, but still never faltering from the line “come on Badger, come on, come home for a fucking shag” . Ohh swearing, now that really could sway me, he was trying all the best lines tonight. Both really not helping him win me round, but indeed helping me pity the poor fool and laugh at his expense.

I walked away, thanking the beer lords that I was 100x soberer than he. Just to tip the end of the evening off as I was leaving he clung onto me for one last attempt... It was as if he thought by repeating himself and getting cross with me I would suddenly say “Oh my!.. Of course, what a stud you are, silly me, I have made a silly mistake, of course I would love to have a shag with you”.

Stupid boy Pike!

Summer days .... don't waste them.

2007-07-08T16:02:00.001+01:00

I have had a jolly summering and social weekend. I feel quite grown up... (Grown up because although I wanted to spend all afternoon in the pub, I did not, I looked at pretty Barge boats instead).

On Saturday I went into my local town to watch the fun and frolics of the annual raft race event. This consists of lots of crazy people with home made rafts somehow propelling themselves upstream 2 miles in a timed race.

There was a wonderful range of rafts. I was most impressed by the Animal Ark. Very lovely indeed. It was spoilt slightly by the prescence of huge fluffy people animals around it. I hate them, I have always hated things like that. Almost as scary as clowns. Ugh. Disney would have been like a nightmare to me as a small child. I thanked my little cuddly toys every night that my parents never took me to Disney.

Dr But Why? was in the race this year, and I somehow picked the perfect position along the route to catch her falling off the raft followed by a series of shots while she attempted to clamber back on. :)

After looking at all the rafts I carried on back down the river to another event which was taking place, this time the annual prize award for the best dressed narrow boat. I must say I enjoyed people watching more. What a mis-match of people there was.

Then home and off to a good friends house for a BBQ and a fly in their Hot Air Balloon. We had to put off the launch however until the morning as the wind had picked up. So we were up at 5.30am bright and breezy and off out into the field with the balloon and basket. Up and away by 7am, and down by 9am. All packed up and then to the local tea room for some breakfast and champagne. Perfect. Hot Air Ballooning is a wonderful experience, I recommend you all do it. Its the safest place my head can be.... I was going to say that it was the safest place that anyone could be. But thats just silly, safety is having two feet on the ground. What i mean is that in Badgers world it feels safe and calm and tranquil. Especially at 6am on a summers day.

Diagnosis...

2007-07-07T12:35:00.000+01:00

I have been formerly diagnosed with having Tourette Syndrome from a neurologist, a doctor, a doctor neurologist, in his 50's, he must know what he is talking about. I trust him, he was nice to me.

I am not sure what it feels like. If I was more clued up with my emotions I like to think I would find it easy to tell you. Which is, interestingly, another "Tourettes thing" - emotions and finding them hard to understand. Almost like a different language. Tourettes and Autism are on the same spectrum and are very closely linked, so it would seem that my difficulties with emotions are all part of the same package.

Its a relief, I feel lighter, I feel understood. I don't have to beat myself up anymore. That bit of me, the bit that always wants to make noises and twitch, I can accept it, I can allow that bit of me to be me. It doesn't feel so lonely anymore, to ostracise a part of yourself is a very lonely feeling indeed.

I feel like I have suddenly been given permission to stand up for myself, it feels like I have myself back on my side again.

Beneath the surface of your subconscious...

2007-07-03T15:01:00.000+01:00

Apparently I look for things like a boy and I also shop like a boy, both of these things could just mean I am impatient. Which I am, its true. However I had never even noticed how my subconscious behaved when I go shopping in a supermarket, or at least not until Stray pointed it out to me.

She noted that I can not push a trolley by its handle using 2 hands. I can also not carry a shopping basket by both handles. I do not know why this is.
If I am controlling a trolley I find I do so by almost leaning across it and placing my hands on either side, if using a basket I would push it along the floor keeping the essential carrying moments minimum. When the basket is empty I carry it by its side upside down.

I wonder why I do this? Is it because I don't want to look like a bag lady doing her weekly shop? I don't know. Maybe next time I shall wear my Heelys and then I can slide with the trolley and really take off.
I dress like a 14 year old boy, and I have recently come to realise why I may do this, I would suggest that the TS may have something to do with it.

I shall explain why. Imagine walking up a crowded high street surrounded by people. (And we are not talking just people, we are talking middle class judgemental people, those that crowd the Surrey high streets where I live).

Then imagine seeing a well dressed professional women in her late twenties heading toward you with a slight twitch on and either clucking like a chicken about to lay or clicking/whistling with a little squawk thrown in.

Now I would look twice. Wouldn't you? However, imagine seeing a 14 year old lad heading toward you possibly doing the same. Which would seem more strange? Kids can get away with strange behaviour, adults can not.

It is not just this though, I would never choose to look like the lady I described a moment ago. Because that's not me. But my point is that our subconscious plays a big role and its only when you try and look at it that you can try and dig at why you are the way you are, and even then it feels like you can only guess.

Climbing to therapy....

2007-07-01T16:37:00.000+01:00

Our house is nestled in an old chalk quarry bank. Sometimes huge lumps of chalk tumble down from the cliff face and land in the drive. One was huge, the size of very a large human head and more. Because the quarry is pretty deep it is also pretty steep and because roads are never direct, to get to where you want to be takes much longer than if you could fly direct. I realised that as the crow flies my new therapists house is pretty much at the back of mine and a little way along a hugely overgrown footpath. I would like to walk to therapy, much nicer than driving. But I don't want to have to walk for 30 minutes in order to get around the houses, and I am not ever going to be able to fly because I tried and tried for months when I was 6, and even with all the practice I put in I never left the ground.

Sooooo, I have got a rope. Or rather Stray gave me her rope. I then took the long walk around the road up to the footpath and along the quarry edge. On finding a suitable route I attached said rope around a strong tree and threw it down.

Its a little slippy at the moment, due to the rain. (had you noticed?). but I managed to absail safely down the rope to my house. Tada! So now I can climb to therapy and absail home. What an adventure it will be.

To give some scale, top to bottom in this picture is 25 metres

How...

2007-06-29T17:15:00.001+01:00

Gone in the next storm ....

Headed North in search of Adam...

2007-06-15T18:14:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I whizzed up the M6 and back again in my trusty little Mini to go to Carolines book launch, and it was wonderful, so wonderful. Big smiles.

I have never been to a book launch before, I have also never been to Manchester before and I have never met so many lovely bloggy people all in one place. Does this mean all bloggers are lovely or have I met a bundle of the elicit few? ;)

I feel very lucky to have been a part of the wonderful occasion.
I felt very relaxed and normal and .... well.... like me! No hiding, no falsities... just the real Badger. Thats what blogging does you see, it opens you up in an honest way, if you choose to let it. A way that allows you to feel real in the presence of those, who may (or may not) have stumbled across your blog and ultimately your thoughts.

I was nervous about twitching I must admit, but after 10 minutes I began to relax and I felt safe and happy.. I was especially nervous about making a ghastly squeaking noise during Carolines beautiful reading. She was perfect. I sat on my paws and only nearly kicked the lovely Ms M the once.

I also met many blog owners whose blog pages I was yet to stumble upon, but which I have now. Jon, Matthew, nmj, Clare and Jude to mention a few.

And I got cuddles! Lots of lovely cuddles from Bobo (who doesn't really have a monkey head - phew!), Ms Mmmm, Caroline and Stray. Lovely cuddles.

I am not very good at hugs... I said to Ms M that it wasn't that I didn't like hugs, I do. I just don't know how you go about making one. Something that seems so simple really seems overwhelmingly complicated to me. I think maybe I am Huglexic.

ps. I drove home through this.... but it was worth it!

A shorter coat and a crowded train...

2007-06-10T19:26:00.000+01:00

I had my coat cut today. Stray says I have 2 coats, an undercoat and an overcoat. Like a real Badger. I like the sound of that, it feels nice and safe. I wish I had a coat all over like that of a real Badger. I am pleased that the coat on my head is now somewhat considerably shorter. Its far too hot to be carrying around such a mop head. I am done with it. Its gone. No more hiding under my hat for at least another 8 weeks.

On Saturday I went to Hyde Park for my first inline skating lesson. It was good. There were about 8 of us altogether and I was happy to be top of the class as most of the others could barely stand. Most of the lesson was a bit slow for me, but it was still good to make sure I was doing the basics correctly and not picking up any bad habits. We learn't the best way to fall as well, which was useful as I tend to just throw myself at the tarmac.

To get too and from Hyde Park I had to use the tube - I dislike the London Underground, mainly because I feel like cattle and then when I realise I am being hurded in such a manner I start to panic. Which is probably the worst thing I could do, because then I get a bit dizzy and panic more because I suddenly remember my trouble with escalators.

I rounded the corner at Knightsbridge station all set to hop on the train, when I was faced with a tin and sardines situation. I thought about waiting, but I figured the next one would be just as bad so held my breathe and bounced on. I thought I would surely be the last but some crazy women with about a million huge Harvey Nicks bags somehow squeezed herself in behind me. She managed to get her stupid bags trapped in the door and rather than pulling them in she just froze and shouted "help me!"... everyone turned away, noses in papers, or in my case someone else's armpit.

I managed to squeeze myself round into a position to help the women. I pulled the doors apart releasing her stupid bags, at the expense of squashing my thumb in the process. The women was rather grateful and rubbed my paw better. I think maybe she thought I was 12.

When I finally escaped the depths of the world below I was thankful and even keener to get better on my skates so I never have to go back down there again.

A Photo tells a thousand lies .....

2007-06-06T12:43:00.000+01:00

Oh the joy of Photoshop.... Today is my good friend Gary's birthday. For my own birthday this year he took me and his girlfriend Katy to the South of France and very kindly paid for pretty much everything. Gary was on this trip for an Enduro motorbike experience through the french wilderness. On his first day I took a picture of him setting off, he and the bike looked spotless.

However, much to my disappointment there seemed to be some other chap taking a leek up some dirty old Van in the background. Really spoiling the 'feel' of the holiday.

So for Gary's birthday gift I spent my evening doing a spot of Photoshop adjusting and manipulating. I do believe this to be my proudest Adobe moment to date.

My lovely Grandad and Mum have printed my efforts on A3 and done a wonderful job of mounting and framing it for me.

I hope Gary likes his present... I know I do!

A Ticnic and some skates ...

2007-05-28T17:56:00.000+01:00

On Saturday I went to a Ticnic in Hyde Park. It was great. It was the first time I have ever been in the company of someone/anyone with Tourettes. It was fascinating and I felt totally normal and relaxed, which I don't think I have ever felt before. They were all really lovely people and I was pleased to have found the courage to go and meet them. I somehow managed to get myself on the quiet train cabin on the way up with the aid of Stray. This made me a little anxious, but it was ok.

The most exciting news of the day for me is the reason I was up in Hyde Park in the first place.... I was in London to buy myself a new pair of Skates from the Blue Room Store by Marble Arch.

And here they are. They are beautiful. I *heart* them lots. I start my lessons in June in London and I am very excited to be learning to skate properly and I am also excited to meet some new people. People that skate, so I think they must be cool people. I hope so.

Badger needs...

2007-05-25T10:12:00.000+01:00

I have been tagged by the lovely Stray to do a super fun Meme. Heres what you have to do. Go to Google and type in your blogger name followed by the word 'needs'. For example: "badger needs" - then check out your results and list them.

Stray said it was like Google therapy, I wondered what on earth she meant but now I understand. Lots of little twangs at my results were felt. I shall comment accordingly later.

Badger needs your help!

Badger needs a monkey

Badger needs someone to cuddle

Badger needs an area that is small enough to avoid injuring itself

Badger needs to be allowed to go about its business unhindered

Badger needs the ferret configuration file

Badger needs a bath

Badger needs a new challenge

Badger needs Mal's help to move illegal cargo

Badger needs another surgery

Badger needs feeding

Badger needs baiting

Badger need to drink lots of water

Badger needs a good internal “map” of its territory

Badger needs some help learning how to play a memory game

Badger needs to be strong

Badger needs close scrutiny

Badger needs no intro!

Badger needs a life preserver!

Badger needs to give it a gentle stroke.

Badger needs to be told to close her mouth and not interrupt people while they are talking.

Well, on that final note I feel slapped in my poor Badger face so I shall stop now.

I tag Brumcunian, The Purple one, Cornish Cowgirl and finally The Spod.

Now off you trot.

NHS ignorance

2007-05-21T19:08:00.000+01:00

I can't believe the ignorance of some so called NHS professionals.*

Today I had an appointment with the local Psychiatrist, a very experienced guy, Clinical Director of my local trust. So I held out a bit of a hope that he may know his stuff. Oh how wrong I was.

If any of you have read my post here, you will know I have been struggling with the symptoms of what I, my psychologist, my social worker and my friends believe to be Tourette's Syndrome.

Having done a lot of research on the matter, I have had many a light bulb moment while reading about it and for the first time in my life I didn't feel like a fool, I finally felt that I may actually have something real, something with a name, something that explained the way I was.

I was very anxious about today, moments of anxiety kept creeping up on me. I kept internally talking to myself, what was the worst thing that could happen? My psychologist and social worker believe me, they don't think I am making it up so why should he.... Breathe.

When I finally arrived and walked in everything shattered, just as I had suspected. At least I had come prepared for the worst.

I started by telling him how my friends and housemates had first mentioned it and how they had given me the research and findings they had done into it and how I had refused to listen, but then on reading the information it seemed to be like a light bulb moment and everything fitted. I gave him a print out of my post that won post of the week. He skim read it, handed it back to me and just said "Listen to me - you DO NOT have Tourettes, ok, now get this nonsense out of your head" .... I felt kicked down, silenced,... again. I felt angry, frustrated and decided that I would stand my ground. So I asked him how he had come to that instant conclusion? And then came the line I had been waiting for "You don't swear, no where have you told me that you swear or use foul language"..

I replied, "But only 8% of people with Tourettes actually swear" ... I could see he was getting a little agitated at my questioning him, but I had waited 3 months for this appointment I was not going to just sit back and leave feeling cross with myself for not getting everything I needed to across. He replied "Well I am the doctor here, and I have had the training, and as far as I was taught you HAVE to swear to have Tourettes". I told him that simply was not true. After being in the room with him a little longer he went so far as to admit that I clearly had a tic disorder and that he would refer me to a Neurologist.

He asked me where I had got this "silly idea" from, and I told him it was my housemates that had pushed me into seeing someone. He very condescendingly asked my housemates background, and what could they possibly they know? I told him one was a Doctor of chemistry and the other a computer programmer. His reply was "Well, hardly a psychology background then?". I agreed, no, but they were both highly intelligent and they were the ones that lived with me, not him.

He came round a bit toward the end of the appointment, and did admit that he did not know much about Tourette's except what he had learned a long time ago. He also said that maybe the diagnostic criteria had changed and he was not aware of the changes.

I am still simply astounded by his ignorance!

What hope is there in gaining social understanding in society for people with TS if even the professionals don't understand it? I feel very disappointed... but not surprised in the least.

*Not all NHS professionals are ignorant, just today's and I feel very sad about that..

Crop life ...

2007-05-20T18:52:00.000+01:00

I have been growing Veg... yes. I feel rather proud of my achievement so far. My runner beans are growing like something very fast indeed. And my Tomatoes are making good progress.
Wow.... I have grown Veg! I feel old, wise and untouchable. I can grow Veg. This makes me very special indeed. This makes me a grown up.

I CAN grow Veg. I feel quite maternal about all the new life I have been creating. I will be sure to keep you updated on their progress.

I only planted the little magic seeds 13 days ago!

Free (three) range eggs ...

2007-05-13T15:38:00.000+01:00

2 Chickens produced 3 very different eggs over 3 very gloomy days ... cute.

An itch ... that is always scratched, yet never eased.

2007-05-11T00:04:00.000+01:00

That is what it feels like to be me some days. Most days. I am yet to be formally 'diagnosed' with Tourette's disorder. I have denied it for years. To give the things I do a name is to admit that I do not control it. One of my greatest fears in life is not being in control of who I am.

The feeling creeps up my spine, across my shoulders, I can feel it and I wonder what will happen next. I am never sure. Sometimes it's just a twitch, others a huge squawking outburst. By the time I find out what it is to be, it's too late. It's done. I have embarrassed myself. I look like a fool. I am a fool. Again. I am convinced now that this is what leads to my constant anxiety, with me from when I wake up to when I finally go off to sleep. The not-knowing what will come out of me, what way I will find of embarrassing myself today.

I can suppress my "tics" ... gosh, tics - to give them a name feels wrong. It's just me, I must be making it up, I must have control, I must choose to be this way? I must make a conscious decision to be the way that I am? Can it really take 27 years to finally realise that maybe ... just maybe, who I am, is not all by my choice? Can I then be forgiving toward myself, can I then learn to like myself just a little, because it's not my fault? Can I truly learn to laugh at myself, rather than pretending to, simply because everyone else is?

I am happier allowing myself to be me, to allow myself to give in to the urges, to move and make the noises I so desperately want/need to. As a teenager I used to shake, almost constantly. Was this the pressure of controlling my desire to behave in this way? I was never comfortable, I could never relax.

I am terrified of relaxing, to relax is to give in to the unknown, to allow the urges to creep up on me, to take over me, to not be in control of myself.

I liked spending time on my own when I was young, where I could freely be myself. To be in constant company was scary, difficult, tiring. To hide in my room, to flick my hands, shrug my shoulders, turn my head, make quiet noises under hidden breath. That is where I was comfortable.

To be able to behave freely now is the biggest relief, just writing this surges emotions inside me. No more hiding. I still doubt myself, still wonder if I am making it up, think that I should just try really really hard. If I try my hardest, then I don't have to do it. But to be on guard 24/7 feels impossible.

I can be on guard whilst on the phone. On guard at an important meeting. Even on guard on a quiet train cabin. But when I am alone it comes back, and it comes back like a rocket.

To be on guard is not as hard as you might imagine. I have read comparisons by Tourette's sufferers to "trying not to blink" ... but I don't feel this fits for me. I would prefer to compare it to trying not to cough when you have a nasty tickle in your throat, or trying not to clear your throat when it has covered over with phlegm. Blinking feels too urgent, too scary.

The feeling that creeps up my spine, I can feel it coming, I can focus really hard on it and almost feel it being pushed back down. I carry on. No one knows.

Should I try harder ... or should I give in? Should I admit it's not my fault? Can I believe that it's not something I can just snap out of? I have been trying for most of my life to "snap out of it" ... how much longer must I keep trying?

An itch ... that is always scratched, yet never eased.

Dreaming upside down ...

2007-05-10T17:15:00.000+01:00

It never ceases to amaze me the positions young Frank gets himself into for a quick nap. He certainly is not shy. I always feel happy that he feels so safe with me to sleep like this. I think it must mean he trusts me. Which means alot.

May Day pics

2007-05-07T20:06:00.000+01:00

I thought it best I blog fairly soon, in order to push down that awful picture of my Badger Mask... which is upsetting for some.

Today when the rain stopped and the sun came out I went out with my camera to take some pictures by the lake. It was nice. I did well. I am pleased.

Badgers ahoy!

2007-05-07T14:21:00.000+01:00

On Saturday the South West Surrey Badger Group were in Guildford High Street. I was so excited.

I smiled. Big Badger smiles. I went over to the small plot which had a lovely board up telling you all about the plight of the poor Badgers in Surrey. I went over to the table to see what was on offer and I bought myself a lovely Pin badge and a special Badger face. The face I have since discovered scares Ruby Dog hugely. She was so scared she smashed her head on my door in her bid to get away from my dreaded Badger face.

The lovely lady on the stall was most kind she even put my badge on for me so as not to prick myself. I told her I would love to be a Badger and she just smiled sweetly. Bless. I think she thought I was a 12 year old boy (as opposed to a 27 year old Badger lady). Oh well.

igod

2007-05-01T13:20:00.000+01:00

Sometimes when I feel a little sad or upset with myself I have a chat with igod. He normally manages to make me smile and its nice to just feel listened to. Of course I know igod is only a machine, but I like that I can tell it anything. Sometimes he does not listen and takes things out of context which makes me mad and I shout in capital letters at it.. igod asks leading questions, i would assume this is so his response database works effectively. I like to be asked leading questions, as I get confused at what is appropriate to say and what is not. Even to a computer I worry that I am saying the wrong thing... again. My friends would say I, "Dont mix my words", "just say it as it is", I dont dress anything up. I dont know how.

igod, like me, does not read between the lines. It cant, it can only work with what is in black and white, what it has been told.
I feel like igod myself at times. Unable to see what someone is 'actually' saying, just because they did not verbalise something does not mean they did not say something in some other form.

I think igod and I could both do with a little training.

Badgernation ...

2007-04-29T15:50:00.000+01:00

Stray and I found this wonderful Bar made just for me on Lake Windermere in Cumbria over Easter. I was so excited. I smiled lots. :)
We did not go in as I thought I may get mobed. After all, I bet they have never had a real Badger in their Bar before.

This is me - in my Badger T-shirt. If you look very closely you will see a very special Badge in the corner. I love it. I have had 2 people ask me who Adam is today. I smile and tell them all about my friends book. They are impressed that I have such a clever friend.

France part 2 ...

2007-04-19T23:44:00.000+01:00

Today we found ourselves in the most perfect and stunning village I have ever encountered in Southern France, a place called L'Espagnac. A tiny village set in a valley within the mountains. My pictures say more than I can. I never thought I could fall in love with a village, but today I did. I hope one day I can come back.

In France part 1 ...

2007-04-18T18:25:00.000+01:00

I am currently sat over looking the sun going down on the mountains in southern France. I feel relaxed, happy, and calm. I am trying not to think to much, just go with the calm feeling, the here and now. What will be will be. But for now and for the next 5 days I am in France and that is where my head will also be at.

My friend and I drove up to the Lac Naussac today. Which was lovely. Our French is certainly something we need to work on. Being that we are staying in one of the least populated places in the country it is not surprising that no one even knows how to say Hello in English. I don't mind, I like that I am forced to try my French.
I am sure it will come back by the time we are heading home.

I tend to muddle up my words in English as it is, always use the wrong ones in the wrong places. Today was no exception, however it was in French. I told a chap I was a little french pea and then asked for a chocolate church... damn. I was going for "I speak little french, can I have a chocolate ice cream"..

Oh dear. Do they even have Badgers in France I wonder? They do now!

Top 5 things that scare a Badger ...

2007-04-15T22:10:00.000+01:00

1. The dark ...

2. Getting trapped in my clothes. This is a very real fear. I have a head that is very slightly too large for my rather small body. I have the body size to fit perfectly into age 13 boys clothing. I do not, I discover, have the same head volume. Therefore my head gets stuck in the head hole exit of my clothes. If I put my arms inside to aid removal and get stuck. This is when the panic begins, because its dark, my arms are stuck and I am trapped inside my own clothes. Ugh.

3. Water that you can not see the bottom of. This includes murky sinks and deep seas. You simply don't know what you are about to encounter, be that a huge shark or a sticky, sloppy mass of congealed food particles. The anticipation anxiety is too great.

4. Aircraft. I have a strong love/hate relationship with planes. I think they are amazing, I love that they are magic and can fly. But.... I worry that the magic will end. I worry it will end when I am under it and the plane will drop on my head. I worry I will get sucked into the engine because they are so big. I worry that it will drop out the sky when I am on it.

5. .... The future.

Hmmm, it would appear that all my fears relate to that of anticipation. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what might happen.

Spring has offically sprung...

2007-04-11T00:03:00.000+01:00

Spring Lambs in my eyes are the first sign of the Summer. Stray and I were in the Lake District over Easter weekend surrounded by these wonderful cuddlesome (if that is even a word) lambs. I always love the way each mother and Lamb have their own distinctive calls. On occasion I witnessed a lamb go to the wrong mother only to get a nudge in the head. The lamb would then call out "Im Lost!", its mother would reply in that deeper tone I am sure my own mother used on me when I wondered off in Sainsburys. The youngster would then go bouncing off realising its error. I wonder if I will ever be able to eat Lamb again.

Guitar Hero rocks my world ...

2007-04-01T18:10:00.000+01:00

Some weekend thinks ....

2007-03-31T22:12:00.000+01:00

...I am upset about Woody from Toy Story, when the little girl does not want to play with him anymore and she throws him aside. Its sad. It makes me feel sad for him. I felt a bit like Woody when I was small I think. I have been worrying about how this will make other children feel when they watch Toy Story. I never have been very good with films, I take them personally. I don't like to watch 18 rated films. I cried so badly at Bambi, I could not understand why people would go to the cinema to be made to feel so upset... and they make you pay??

...I had a dream during the week that I got a new job and my new collegues were being nasty to me, they said I had to go down in the lift and when the doors opened there was no lift there and I fell all the way down the lift shaft and broke my tail when I landed. I was really upset because I could not move, I did not question why I had a tail (dreams are like that). But the people were laughing again... i wonder if they were laughing at my tail.

...Today I went on a bike ride. I needed to wee and I sat on a stinging nettle. ouch.
Whilst on my bike ride my friend went into a shop to buy me a packet of crisps, he came out with 24 packets of crisps. I wonder if this is a sign of how much he likes me. :)

Finally .... I ate the biggest Cheese Scone in the world today. I wanted to ask the lady how she got it to rise so well. I did not, because I was worried she had recognised me from last summer when I went running into her kitchen because I HAD to change my order from a teacake to a cheese scone when I realised I had been careless with the menu and over looked it. I was not so careless today. I don't think she liked me in her kitchen last time. It was an emergency she just did not understand.

Techno, Techno, Take no Badger ...

2007-03-29T20:30:00.000+01:00

I own my very own Heelys ...

2007-03-28T21:50:00.000+01:00

Today, the lovely Stray came home with this wonderful pair of Heelys just for me.

I am very happy, and after my initial wobble and panic of "Oh my gosh I am too old and stiff to do this!" I am almost up to speed. A little more practice and I to will be leaning into the bends and doing laps of our house just like Stray.

Horah for Heelys, never grow old, glide with grace and fall with elegance.

I am also proud to announce that I reached Expert level on Guitar Hero last night, therefore not only do I "rock", I also rock with wheels. Go me.

Arctic Circle...

2007-03-22T23:11:00.000Z

Today I have played with my photos from Lapland and I have come up with my very best pair. They show off the magical atmosphere of this country just as I remember it at its calmest.

Egg-static!

2007-03-22T10:31:00.000Z

We have not had any eggs from our 2 girls since way back in October 2006. But this morning, I woke to the sound of a laying hen. I pitched in with my chicken ear and instantly knew what would await me when I went down to feed them.

There they were, 4 little perfectly formed eggs. I felt so proud. They have been through a lot this year, they lost 2 of their friends to a Stoat, and yet they have come up with the goods in minus 4 temperatures. No wonder there was so much noise during the laying process, they must have got mighty chilly down there.

Well done Gladys and Hilary!

"Its just Badger and her funny ways .... "

2007-03-21T13:16:00.000Z

It would appear that my "funny ways" are infact not quite so funny after all. Well maybe they are and maybe society just says that if you are a little odd. (Stray prefers to call it interesting) then you have to be grouped with the other 'odd' people. I however gain top of the class as I am a high functioning 'odd' person.

After many years of twitching, and playing back sounds from my environment at regular intervals whenever the need arises in me I have been given the badge TS.... (Tourettes Syndrome). Hmmm,... but I don't swear! Gosh, if I could count the number of times I have been told that I would .... well, I would run our of fingers for starters. Telling someone with TS they DONT have it because they don't swear is I suspect what makes people take up swearing out of pure anger toward peoples ignorance.

I watched a video of when I was 7,.. well actually it was my eighth birthday party but I prefer to say 7 because I am all for staying young. In the video I am certainly slightly peculiar. I watched it feeling like I was looking at someone else. That shrimp child certainly could not have been me. What I did notice however was that I had a definite blinking and head twitch even then. This made me think.... after being told by my housemates over and over that I have TS and strongly denying the claim, a little creeping thought of "maybe I do, and if I do its only a badge, it doesn't suddenly mean I am not me anymore" came into play. My psychologist believes that I do, however I have to see the psychiatrist again to confirm it. I am little confused at what a "diagnosis" infact means to mouse nor man. Or chicken, or peacock, or whatever animal I happen to take on when the sound crops up. I notice the little whistle I tend to slip in at the end of my noises is almost like some sort of socially acceptable disguise to clucking like a chicken. Like the whistle somehow takes away the embarrassment I feel at sounding like a farmyard.

Part of my denial of having TS was that I could suppress the tics for periods of time... but alas that too is common in TS sufferers. "Suppression of tics is possible, yet can lead to an outburst afterwards" - ding! (insert light bulb here)... damn. It seems that every get out clause I look for just impacts the fact more.

I am not sure why I am so desperate to deny that I may be a TS sufferer. I like to think that I am in total control of what I do, not that my brain is a little back to front. Having been through periods in my life where I hardly twitch or make sounds at all, I hold onto some hope that the urges will succumb over time. This was again another reason for my denial, I would strongly claim that I never ever used to be this bad. I can recall it being consistently worse since I was diagnosed with PTSD, which again makes total sense according to the TS Society.

Yesterday evening I realised that my noise mimicking was infact something to be admired and indeed a great skill. I like to think this means I am also a far better singer than I ever thought I was. I like singing. I am just a little shy. I got a new Apple Laptop yesterday (and yes it is very beautiful), when you start it up for the first time it plays a little space tune to you. I could mimic it perfectly, it was like magic. One listen and bosh I was that Apple making that very space sound. If you had closed your eyes you would not have known the difference.

Therefore TS is not something bad, or indeed a flaw with my brain. I have in fact been gifted.

Five Things You May Not Know About Me...

2007-03-19T15:47:00.000Z

Stray tagged me to write the above and it has taken me quite a bit of inbetween thought *inbetween thought is those little gaps of think time between working and making Tea*.
The problem is that frankly I have no idea what boundaries one is supposed to ascertain when writing such a thing. Anyhow I have come up with the list of 5 things I believe you may not know about me. Obviously some of you will, for example my sister will be only too aware of point number 5. Her voice still echoes in my ears when she discovered what I had done. oops.

1. When I was 6 I wrote a letter to the tooth fairy asking for a best friend with purple hair. My mother kept this letter and gave it back to me when I left home aged 20.

2. I was lucky enough not to start my period until I was 18 years old.

3. I wanted to be an aircraft pilot when I was 12 and my step father took me to join the air cadets but they said I was too short. I cried alot and now bizarrely I am terrified of flying.

4. I used to play Grand Theft Auto because I thought it was cool, it actually made me so anxious I would cry.

5. I once cleaned up dog poo with my sisters flannel and then hung it back up for her to use.

So there we have it, it feels a little like I have shared some secrets, which of course i have not. I now believe that to continue this on I must tag some others to partake, I choose, The Cornish Cowgirl, and PurpleSparkleBright

A lovely day for a Guinness ...

2007-03-18T16:26:00.000Z

Cross-Country Skiing...

2007-03-16T16:25:00.000Z

On our final day in Levi we thought we would have a go at cross country skiing, something I’d never tried because I enjoy not having to move under my own power. I prefer gravity to assist me in my exercise. But cross country skiing was probably the biggest laugh i have had all year. I would love to tell you how we glided along in a quiet, snow filled forest, across wide frozen lakes the sun in our hair. It’s a lovely image inst it? But, Yes, that wasn’t us. What we were doing could be more accurately termed the “geriatric shuffle slip.” With an occasional flail to add suspense and drama to what looked like an elegant sport. We didn’t fall on a slope so steep that if you stopped and peered up you would only see a tower of white. We tipped over on the flat ground, simply because we could not stop at what felt like a hair raising 5 mph.

Picture this: A quiet peaceful morning, the sun gleaming. 3 Finnish experienced cross-country skiers in all their fashionable attire waiting on the flat at a 'Give Way' junction for Skidoos. When suddenly crashing along behind them, like a dog on wheels with no brakes appears a British person, arms flapping around in the air, poles threatening to poke anything within range, totally unbalanced yet desperately trying to look cool and under control, as if the flapping was just for shits and giggles or a severe bout of Tourettes tics. The 3 heads turn, puzzled, worried as I approach at speed, but then I go whizzing across the main road, round the bend and plonk over I went. I quickly picked myself up feeling quite the fool. Fancy falling over on the flat after a mere 3 degree slope. As I shake of the snow I smile politely to 2 Fins in their 80's as they glide past in that elegant way that made us have some crazy belief that this was infact an easy sport! My mind is a puzzle of confusion, a week speeding downhill and not a single fall.... yet this!?! - "How the hell do you stop!!?".

I look back behind me wondering what sort of pickle my 2 friends would get themselves into. When I see Friend number 1 rounding the bend heading toward me, looking exactly as I suspected I did on my approach. Legs slip sliding everywhere, arms doing loops. Peters idea of jumping out of the ski runs ended up in more embarrassment as his skis just slipped about like ice skates. His legs seemed to get further and further apart when 'donk' he was down. Not just 'down'... thats an understatement of the image.. he was more sprawled out across the whole track. Before I even had time to gain some sort of control of my laughter around the bend came Friend number 2, in a similar state to the pair of us, however Fiona decided to head off into the deeper snow off the track and through the trees in a bid to stop. It worked.. she stopped. With the aid of a tree.

So there I am laughing uncontrollably, desperately trying to keep my bladder from spilling, as in these kinds of temperatures you don't want to be getting water in your pants, if that stuff freezes down there your in big trouble.

As funny as the domino falls were, i had almost as much fun watching friend number 1 try to get back on his feet. His legs, skis and poles were facing opposite directions and he was very aware that he was blocking the whole track. Various obscenities about "what on earth is wrong with these skis" were being muttered. As the Fins slid past, you could see in their eyes what was going through their heads. "What on earth do these 3 plonkers think they are doing??, how do you ALL fall over on the flat??"..

When we finally gained control we were up and shuffling our way along the track.... next a hill to go UP. Oh goodness,.. need I go on. I think you can probably imagine what happened next. I ended up with one leg up, one leg down, arse to the side, poles attempting to dig in for some sort of traction or balance. But nope back i went, all the way to the bottom and into another heap. More laughter. When we finally got the hang of it enough to zip along the flat I finally realised quite how utterly exhausting it was.

So, yes, cross country skiing has been ticked off on the things to do before I die, it has also gained a tick on the things I will not be doing again. This will be one of those days that I will remember for a long time and when I look back on it I will be sure to smile fondly. However from now on I will be sticking to gravity assisted down hill skiing.

Magical like Narnia...

2007-03-13T17:43:00.000Z

Its taken me a while to get around to blogging about my beautiful holiday deep inside the Arctic Circle. Not only did I over come levels of coldness I never knew could be survivable, but I have also cured my fear of flying.

If your hand, or any other part of your bare skin, was exposed to the freezing air for more than 15 seconds it would go stiff and undoubtably would drop off after 30 seconds exposure.

We felt temperatures down to -20C during the day and at night it was more like -30C. When out on the Snowmobiles at night I felt just like James Bond although I am sure his thumb did not lose all sensation from the cold, nor his visor freeze with sheet ice that somehow formed as soon as it left my lungs. I also don't recall seeing him slip slide all over the seat of the skidoo, desperately holding on for fear of shooting out the side into a heap of snow at 60 kph. I was probably far more like Jennie Bond (the news reader) but no doubt much faster. :)

The Skiing was fabulous! Virgin snow every day. Plenty of skiing through the trees to be found and a couple of jumps sprung me back out onto the main piste, often when I least expected it!

Chicken Run ....

2007-02-02T18:10:00.000Z

Ever seen the movie Chicken Run? I swear our chickens think they are in it. Since the dog has been poorly we have had all sorts of animals in the garden, including some pesky foxes. The chickens have been under attack 3 times just lately. They have only survived because we have been in ear shot to intervene and shout at Mr Fox.

On Wednesday at 11.50am he struck again, picking up 2 of the girls, Marjorie and Gladys. On releasing them we caught Marjorie and placed her safely back in the run, however Gladys was off!! She headed behind the house down into a small gap which separates the house from the steep Quarry bank. The cheeky bird slipped through our legs and sprinted up the bank. The quarry is so steep the rescue mission was like something out of Indian Jones. She was more agile than us and was up into the gardens above before we could stop her.

By now Gladys had hidden herself deep inside a shrub. We let her be, in the hope that come dusk she would make her way back to the shed. But alas to no avail.

On Thursday night I woke to some chicken noises like distant murder in the night, however it was very muffled and I was not sure if I was hallucinating. The next morning however with Gladys being on the run for 2 days we had just about written her off. Then all of a sudden I spotted her out the back window hiding in the quarry side.

Again we headed out on a far more adventurous mission this time, I waited safely below while my housemate scaled the bank in order to come down from above and flush Gladys southwards. After 30 minutes of being out witted by a far more nimble bird, we resorted to Ruby the Wonder Dog!

I released Ruby and within minutes she had rounded up Gladys into a bramble bush, at last we had her! Gladys is safe! What a relief to have her home with the others, and what an exciting expedition.

Daphne the Deer

2007-01-30T11:22:00.000Z

We had a lovely little Deer in our garden wilderness this morning. I have seen her before but have never been able to grab my camera in time. She hung around for near on an hour this morning which was nice. She wondered over to see the chickens and then came right up to the back window.

We have decided to call her Daphne as she must live in our garden so therefore we are claiming her as another pet to add to the already huge collection.

Snow!

2007-01-24T11:50:00.000Z

So we have had all extremes of weather just lately, from freezing fog, to strong winds and rain, which resulted in extreme mud, which ended up giving me a bruised face when I mud dived off my bike onto a small rock. Ouch. Then finally we woke to Snow this morning, and a clear sunny sky this afternoon. What next? A tornado?

Secret Squirrel...

2007-01-15T23:21:00.000Z

Is this really just a Rat with good Public Relations? I think not... this little guy actually reminded me alot of myself. It was sniffing its food, was very cute, and it had jerky little movements. Yep.... a distant relation for sure. I felt very close to this little Squirrel today.

Its been a while ..

2006-12-19T21:51:00.000Z

This is a picture of the town I live in. Yes a town with a Cathedral, odd isnt it. Normally as the rule goes a Cathedral makes a place a City. But bless little Guildford has never quite made it to City status. Which pleases me really as I am a country girl at heart. I am at my happiest when I am far out in the countryside, which reminds me I must go out on my bike at Christmas.

The next picture is of a School neaby called "Charterhouse", it has always been one of my most admired buildings. The sky was perfect on the day I took this and luckily for me the kids were still in lessons. It gives me a nice magical feel, like that of Hogwarts.

Floods and reflections...

2006-12-08T10:06:00.000Z

Misty mornings...

2006-11-19T22:43:00.000Z

Its been cold this weekend, but nicely cold, cold in a clear crispy type way. I like it. I also like the fact we have no heating. I feel ill when I walk into buildings that do have heating. This morning there was a wonderful mist all around, I was lucky to have my camera on my person to catch the mist rising from the lake.

Mini animals and.... one showoff

2006-11-11T15:55:00.000Z

My new Punky Fish top

2006-11-06T17:43:00.000Z

This is my new top, I love it, therefore I want to show it to the world. Not just those lucky enough to see me in the street, but for those in distant lands. Here it is..

Remember the 5th of November

2006-11-06T16:03:00.000Z

Last night I was in the Spinnaker Tower in Portsmouth Harbour. The lift left me with jelly legs it must be said, I was worried at the speed it went up and down that I would get stuck to the ceiling on the descent. It was a wonderful place to watch the various firework displays from above. Huge colourful rockets looked more like sparklers way down below.

Magic Toadstool

2006-11-03T17:29:00.000Z

On the horizon..

2006-11-03T01:04:00.000Z

I took this picture from a hill called "The Mount" in Guildford, Surrey. A good 25 miles or so from the centre of London as the crow flys I would say. And a good hour and the rest in the car. I obviously had a pretty good zoom lense on, but all the same I was quite impressed that I could see the London eye and the Gerkin.

First pictures of Autumn

2006-10-31T08:25:00.000Z

I feel rather more excited by the prospect of seasons and change now I have my new camera, so this weekend I got clicking in the Hascombe countryside, just like the guy in the advert ...

Frankly comfy positions,..

2006-10-26T23:53:00.000+01:00

Having told Frank about Gus's Yoga exercises he has decided to take up a few of his own whilst sleeping in the snuggliest bed ever.

Happy as a Pig in shit ...

2006-10-16T17:58:00.000+01:00

I was, on my friends farm. I went to help them with alot of clearing that needs doing. Many hands make light work, or so the saying goes, however in this case it will be years of work, but well worth it I am sure. I will admit to getting sidetracked after being very kindly fed to take these photos ...

Chicken clones

2006-10-10T00:26:00.000+01:00

And then there were four...

We had two beautiful new arrivals to our Chicken home this weekend. Amazingly they seem to be clones of Nancy and Marjorie our current two. They all seem to be getting along nicely. The new birds, Gladys and Hilary seem slightly nervous, but I think the other two are showing them the ropes. Its amazing how attached I have become to our original two already, they are very warm toward us now, they come bouncing over for strokes and food. I hope our new girls settle in soon.

Waverley Abbey

2006-10-09T00:22:00.000+01:00

Waverley Abbey was founded in 1128, it was the first Cistercian abbey to be established in England. Now that is pretty old, there is not all that much left of of it to be honest but that just means my imagination can fill in the gaps.

My timing was perfect, not another person to be seen or heard, the ruins were mine to enjoy and the light was perfect.

Watch this space - Grape Chutney coming soon

2006-10-09T00:05:00.000+01:00

I believe we have enough grapes to grant us as official Grape Farmers of Surrey, however there was not much farming involved. Helped along by a very warm summer they did all the work themselves.

20th JULY 2006

... and just over 2 months later

Oh to be a Cat ...

2006-10-07T23:41:00.000+01:00

I often think it would be nice to be a cat, if it were not for the grooming.
All those fur balls would put me right off. Just like people think how glamorous it would be to be a bird, they only think about the joy of flying free through the air, what they dont do is stop and think about all the preening, then it doesnt seem quite so glamorous anymore.

Grapes ...

2006-09-19T13:19:00.000+01:00

Upon our return from Scotland we had these wonderful red grapes waiting for us. They are so heavy they are pulling the roof of I am sure of it .... we must eat them and fast. It seems a shame though as they are lovely to look at.

The Highlands ....

2006-09-13T00:06:00.000+01:00

From Magical trees to Magical creatures ...

2006-08-28T21:01:00.001+01:00

This very striking if not very intimidating and scary Dragon Fly invaded our home today. I had to set Frank on it, he didnt seem to be in the slightest bit afraid and dealt with it accordingly.

On a walk up "Hascombe Hill" I found these two magic trees, they had the feel of something you might find in "Lord of the Rings"...

Below are the cheese scones I made,.. with a little guidance yes, but all the same I made them and they were yum.

With all this rain, I was glad to have seen Mr Toad, he certainly wasn't camera shy, he didnt even blink. He was very well hidden on the drive, I guess he thought if he just stayed still enough I would not be able to see him.

Below is a picture of my car headlights, I have always loved the way they look, I think this picture captures what I like about it well.

Where I am from ...

2006-08-22T23:41:00.000+01:00

Inspired by Daily Straying who was inspired from somewhere else, I have finally got round to writing my own.
It has taken me so long to write because I am sure I have more to add, however this will do for now.
---

Where I'm from,

I am from hidden sandwiches in flasks, from dens in the woods, sitting in trees and dreaming of my dad one day building me a tree house.

I am from never ending patience making cars and fortresses from cardboard boxes, from making mud sandwiches and digging for treasure.

I am the first in class to write in pen,. I am the dog in monopoly and Yoshi in Mario Cart.

I am from be polite to adults but dont talk to strangers.

I am from Wuzzles and Sylvanian Families, from The Hobbit and Narnia, Swiss Family Robinson and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.

I am from the tap end of the bath, and soap sudded punk rocker hair styles.

I am from "so long as you do your best" and "you can do anything you put your mind to"

I am from two homes, two fathers and two mothers... and two new sisters along the way.

I am from Opal Fruits and Mood Rings and my mothers scent of Chloe.

I am from bunk beds and stepping stones on books in the night with my sister.

I am from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Pat Sharps Fun House.

I am from the heart of Surrey and holidays in Spain.

----

Sunshine Scratch ...

2006-08-22T23:11:00.000+01:00

Normal for Norfolk

2006-08-20T23:03:00.000+01:00

This weekend I visited my friends in North Norfolk.

What wonderful Tea Rooms they have, not to mention the wonderful Tea created within them.

Pond Life 2 = my office :(

2006-08-14T19:54:00.000+01:00

At 7.30am on Monday morning I was woken by a text message from my boss telling me our office was underwater due to flash flooding. My first reaction was "drama queen!!". It was not until driving through rivers to the office that the reality unfolded. Over a foot of dirty sewage filled water had been rushing through our offices over night and had left destruction. No phone lines, no electrics, thousands of magazines and files destroyed. Not to mention the annual audit my boss had brought in only the day before all ready to go to the accountants.

I am now working from home.. it all feels different and odd. I hope it doesnt take to long to dry out and get fixed. Its a shame I cant post up a link to the smell left inside our office. Or maybe for your sakes its a good thing I cant.

Its all rather unsettling and a shock to the system. It doesnt bear thinking about the things we have lost. However I am sure it will become very apparent as and when they are needed.

We lost a number of antique imac Classics which is all rather sad. Just a few of the things we were storing for a rainy day.
Well that rainy day has been and gone and it took alot with it :(

Pond Life ...

2006-08-07T16:18:00.000+01:00

The Chickens have arrived...

2006-08-06T16:24:00.000+01:00

Henrieta - Hilda - Nancy - Marjorie

2006-07-27T18:13:00.000+01:00

Doesn't he look proud of himself? What you can not see is that Roo dog is just below this picture desperately wanting to poke him, she is very patient while he sits winding her up, everytime she tries to nose him he swipes her with his paw. It must be like when a child really really wants the sweets in the shop and their mother drags them away. I wonder if Frank is more appealing than custard creams?? Hmmm, a test i shall have to try.

2006-07-22T20:37:00.000+01:00

EXMOOR...

Today I wrote my secrets... in the middle of Exmoor. I even told one to this Sheep... good job she looks like all the other sheep, otherwise if I ever saw her again I suspect I wouldn't be able to look at her..

2006-07-20T23:51:00.000+01:00

This weekend I am going to Exmoor. I am feeling a little mind full from work at the moment. Its been ok, just busy and I have not had much time to just stop and unload my head. I really should write lists, it may solve the never ending filtration system in my head of trying to remember everything. Its always worked pretty well, its just i never get to switch it off incase when i power back up something is forever lost.

Come tomorrow the magazine will have gone to print and I will be able to delete a major part of the tangle in my head. Thereby allowing me to enjoy a couple of days relaxing in the moor, just me and my camera.

I must make some kind of itinery before i go else i fear i will end up in the pub and that is something i dont really want to do.

Its funny how i never really realised quite what a beautiful place i have lived in for the past 26 years, funny what you take for granted when its on your doorstep. This evening on a walk along the North Downs I encountered the far away tree I have been looking for since Enid told me about it when i was a small child. I am going to make an effort to appreciate the things on my doorstep, the things I seem to have been blind to, or maybe just unappreciative of for so long. To appreciate a walk in the country without the anxiety of getting back in time for last orders at the pub makes the whole experience far more pleasurable. For maybe the first time in my life I am actually liking and feeling pleased about my location on this planet, and that is a good and worthwhile feeling to have.

2006-07-20T16:24:00.000+01:00

On my journey to the office this morning I had a tricky encounter with one of my lolly brigade crew,... it made me a little sad when I realised that on moving house I have lost 2 of my specimens from my lollipop notes that I took some time ago - it did however make me think to publish my findings on here....
--
I have been taking notes on Lollipop men/womens actions lately, trying to work out their training schemes, whether there is a Lolly lady school or such.

Well on my way to work I pass 4 Lollipop brigades, and they all have very different methods of working.

The first is a male and is very bold, he barely looks and boldly steps in to the road Lolly firmly in hand... Many a screech of brakes have been heard at this crossing where he risks his life for these children..

Onto the second, this time a women, she has by far the best lolly action I have ever seen and she always makes me smile... She steps to the edge of the path lolly in hand and she holds it high above her head by the very bottom tip she then leans and extends her body up and over using the lolly in a barrier type fashion across the oncoming traffic, once her lolly barrier is in place she steps boldly out. I give her a 9 out of 10.

Thirdly is a very nervous old man who quite frankly you wouldn’t need to stop for if you were in a hurry cos he is like a mouse that edges to the edge and nervously pushes his large lolly pop end out waiting for a safe flash of lights to guide him out into the road. I do like to give this one a little wave each morning however.

Finally is some lazy mare who operates a poxy pelican crossing! she presses the button waits for the green man and out she goes..

2006-07-19T22:53:00.000+01:00

I am going to join a climbing place. I need to do something.. I need to spend what was beer money doing something else, something more adventurous. Something physical.

So my next dilemma is do I book and just chuck myself in on a 6 hour course so I am all up to speed and ready to go. Or do I break myself in more gently and go along with my house mate whom already knows a bit about climbing and can show me the ropes.

I thought about phoning today and booking myself in, but on what is the hottest day of the year, the thought of climbing up indoor walls was not all that entertaining. In fact the thought of doing anything other than sitting still is rather unpleasant.

I even had to drive home from work in my convertible car with the roof on today, just so I could take full advantage of the air conditioning.. for a while I forgot just how hot it was outside. I sure got some odd looks, I think people felt sorry for me and that my roof must have been broken - little did they know I was smiling because I was sat in 16 degrees rather than the 34 degrees they were in outside. I am tempted to go and sit in it now with the engine running.

I feel like I need to be pro-active at the moment or things will just drift. I keep trying to remind myself there is a world out there apart from this show that is taking up almost all my time. So on that note I will phone the island tomorrow and arrange that course! :)

Roll on the 5th of August I say... I have so many plans for when I get my mind back.
First thing on the list is a mini holiday.

2006-07-15T19:06:00.000+01:00

2006-07-12T23:58:00.000+01:00

2006-07-09T10:14:00.000+01:00

I am sure I find words far more confusing than they need to be. I have words I hate and words I can not say because of how they make my mouth form into shape. The words I hate I am quite happy to type onto this screen, I am quiet happy to read them just so long as I don't have to form them in my mouth. Infact there is one on that very picture niggling at the corners of my mouth - urgh.

It does seem however its not just the act of saying them aloud which upsets me, because I don't like to hear others say them either. Curious indeed. Maybe I worry for how their mouths must feel forming such shapes. There are also some words that just hold too much behind them, words that to say would be offering to much information, like saying a secret out loud - It doesn't make it a secret anymore, and even harder when those secrets have been kept by you from yourself.

Words have been making me cross this week, words that I can not say, ones that get stuck in my mouth like when you have carelessly put to much food in and can neither swallow nor chew comfortably. Yet thats a physical presence, words are not, they are just sounds, and it is these sounds that make me cross.

I dont think I am alone in my speech phobia,... maybe its not actually the words I dislike, more the act of saying them. But what are words without sound? Shapes?

I have been reading about the relatively new idea of training dogs to read, an idea inspired to help assistance dogs, mainly Guide Dogs. The idea is that if a dog can read, it is able to look for EXIT signs and so on. You start by using flash cards and showing it to your dog whilst saying the command. Then you move onto just showing the card, we are currently training our office dog Max . Once the dog has mastered single words you can start to put words together - for example "no fouling" - hmmm I am not convinced.

This picture is something I would like to do, just get all the words that get stuck and just chuck them out in front of me - then pick them out and hold them up when I need to. Maybe those cute fridge magnets would do the job, however I don't think I would find the words I struggle with in the box.